I have conducted three garage sales in the last three weeks, all intended to get me to the East Coast without having to sell a kidney for the moving truck. Though I’ve had garage sales before, it was always to sell stuff with which my relationship had amicably ended, things that had served their purpose well, but that I was now sick of looking at every day. These last three sales involved the act of giving stuff to strangers that I didn’t feel finished with yet, stuff that I loved and still wanted to wake up to each morning. As each item bobbed off in the arms of another unknown, I could barely suppress the urge to snatch them back from their respective buyers.
This could be the reason that I so acutely noticed the vulture-ish, demanding, CRAZY kind of people that frequent garage sales.Seriously, I have never conducted myself in such a manner within the confines of another person’s driveway; these people should be ashamed.
First off, what portion of your common sense dictated that you “go garage-saling” with no money in your pocket? If you park your car, walk up my driveway, fondle my possessions, and decide you want to take them home,the line “Uh, could you take 50 cents for this dresser? That’s all the money I brought with me” isn’t getting you anywhere except back in your damn car with as light of a load as you came with. Also, when I tell you no, going to your car and coming back with the extra 20 cents you scrounged out of your ashtray isn’t going to improve your chances.
Secondly, for those who come with money but not with the intention to spend it: If my big plan was to make a total of $10 for waking up at 6 am on a Saturday, packing a bunch of things outside, and proceeding to stand on the sun-baked concrete for several hours, I probably would have ditched that plan, opting instead for a quick thrift store drop-off followed by a Saturday doing something awesome, like napping. This goes out to the lady who grabbed the brand new clothes iron I was selling for $5, walked up to me, pointed at a dirt splotch on the handle, and said “Look at this – I’ll give you a dollar”…to which I wanted to respond "Look at this - I'll give you a black eye!". Or the lady who stood in the driveway for 5 minutes, inspected the back of a $1 DVD from about 60 different angles, and then approached me with a complaint about a scratch she found on the back. Could I please offer it to her at a lower price? Sure, lady.
Thirdly (thirdly?), worse than these people are the ones who find it necessary to give you serious attitude when you decline their generous offers of spare change. For example, one woman was examining a ring that I was selling for $2. She walked over and asked me if I would take 50 cents (people love that number, they want to pay 50 cents for everything) and when I said no, she gave a loud grunt of disgust, turned on the spot, and lobbed my ring back across the driveway and into the basket. Another young lady showed up with her mother and wanted to buy a handmade photo album I had for sale. I had never used it and paid $15, so I thought $3 was more than reasonable. She offered me the infamous 50 cents (I am not exaggerating on this 50 cents bit – this is legit) and when I declined, she gave a little laugh, dropped the book at my feet, and slammed the door to her van – where she waited, arms crossed, for her mother to finish browsing. Perhaps I should have rushed over and smoothed her pouty face by giving in to the attitude…or by smacking her around since her mom was too busy making 50-cent deals to handle the situation.
Yet another woman asked me how much I wanted for a large, hand-woven throw rug. I said $5, she said “How about a dollar?” and I said,“No, I don’t think I’m willing to go that low”. She gives me some sky-high eyebrows and says, “Yeah, I really don’t want it, so no thanks”. I wanted to pin those eyebrows down with my thumbs and explain to her that freakish driveway bargaining tactics have no effect on civilized people such as myself. However, I felt that claiming to be civilized while physically holding down her eyebrows may have appeared contradictory.
Lastly, standing around my driveway all morning has not impeded my ability to calculate simple numbers in my head. When I am asked “What is the lowest you will go on these two tables?” and I answer “I will take $20 for that one and $15 for the other”, I am not going to be tricked when someone says “Sooooo, I’ll give you $25 for both of them”.
Also, side note: it’s a garage sale, people, not a cocktail party. I don’t know you. I don’t want all the details of your last doctor’s visit, nor do I need a 20-minute lecture on how important it is that I visit the website unclaimed.org to make sure the state isn’t holding any of my unclaimed property. As you can see, I’m busy keeping an eye on the property I’ve got here that all these crazies are trying to claim for free.
In hindsight, I should have opted for the thrift store.
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